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Have suggestions for resources for the community? Have questions, feedback, or a private comment? Need to vent? I’m here for it!

Frequently Asked Questions

A few reasons, but here are two:

  1. Mum was a David Bowie impersonator when I was growing up. Bowie was a huge part of my childhood because not only was my mum masquerading as him half the time, she was also obsessed with his music. Cleaning day wasn’t cleaning day without putting on a Bowie album and the whole family racing to finish vacuuming, dusting, and polishing before the album ended. Mum looked a lot like Bowie, and I believed as a kid it was indeed my own mother gracing the cover of the Hunky Dory album (now my favorite album of his as well).
  2. I wrote a memoir in 2014 with the title, Everything’s Hunky Dory. Though I never published the work back then, I am doing so now via this blog.
  3. It’s called sarcasm, Janet.

In short, no. What I do have is more like a black belt, or rather, a brown belt in dealing with narcissistic abuse, family dysfunction, and being the scapegoat in a family system and in work environments. I’ve put the time and effort in to heal and yet still have a lot to learn. I have lived experience, years of continued therapy, books, programs, seminars, videos, and down-the-rabbit-hole research, the stories to tell, and a warped sense of humor as evidence.

To be quite honest, I was sick and tired of doing it alone. Not that I don’t have a kick-ass therapist and other support from friends and loved ones. But when reading comments on social media and Youtube posts, seeing how many others are on the same road I’m on, I felt like it was time to step up, be vulnerable, and maybe make some new friends in the process (who might share my sick sense of humor and aren’t offended by a few cursy words.)

1. Yes. Because I can.

2. Yes. Because my 4’11” Nana who partially raised me “cussed” up a storm and it’s the language I know. (I’m also convinced she takes over my speech sometimes. Can’t help that.)

3. Hell yes. I like funny words.

4. Yes, because I find people are offended by words for two reasons:

First, curse words often represent taboos, things that can make some uncomfortable, topics we truthtellers have no issue raising–which is why we are scapegoated in the first place. So fuck those cowards. [Enter Smiley Face]

Second, people who feel powerless over their lives (often due to unprocessed/unhealed trauma) may feel a need to control those around them, including the speech of others, to feel “safe”.

An insult or threat can be made using any word; I could get right in your face and furiously yell “I LOVE CHUBBY BUNNIES!” and you would feel threatened. That’s how I know it’s about control because it’s only a handful of specific words that make these people cringe. But anyone who steps on a Lego is gonna involuntarily yell “fuck!” (it’s a tradition), not a threat or insult to anyone in particular, so why is that offensive? (And TBH, it’s funny as hell, as long as it’s not me.)

I also find actions to be far more powerful than words. So, I’ll say all the cursy words, thank you.

5. Again, yes. Though I wish everyone on this path deep healing, support, and community, if you’re offended by words, this probably isn’t the community for you (just yet). Until then, I wish you well!

I’d like to utilize this blog to continue to grow and move past the inner chaos and suffering that being picked apart and discarded from my family has caused. I hope I might reach those who can see themselves in my stories because I believe the hardest part of escaping the effects of childhood trauma and family dysfunction is the loneliness we have felt and still feel. I hope others will feel vulnerable enough to share comments and connect with others who share this journey.

(By the way, have I told you how much I dislike the word “journey”? What about you? It’s so overused and has that yuck factor that fills up the top of the throat with yuck-ness. But I don’t know a better word to use. “Adventure” sounds stressful. I may have to make one up next time.)